'Where's Larry?'

Summer of 2001, friends of mine were planning a week long boating trip to Lake Powell. Two ski boats, a motor home and a bunch of tents. I was not planning on going on this trip at all. Although I was invited, I figured I just had too much to take care of at home with the kids and all.

Thursday, the day before they were leaving, Gary came to me and said ‘If you change your mind, be at my house at 7am. All you need to bring is your swim suit.’ I said ‘thanks, but I really shouldn’t. I’ve got too much to take care of at home.’

I get home that night, and my wife is doing her normal thing (nothing) and the kids are doing their thing. I think about what the week would be like without me. I really had no appointments. No agenda. Nothing to do. The more I thought about it, the more I realized everything would be fine even if I wasn't there.

11pm that night, I tell my wife I am going to Lake Powell for a week long vacation with my friends. Alone. After an hour long discussion about it, (aka: fight) she realized she had no say in the decision.

7am, Friday morning, I pull up to Gary’s house with one small bag packed. This bag included: Swim trunks, shorts, shirt, underwear, hats and deodorant. Aside from my shorts and shirt I had on, that’s all I was bringing. No camera, no food, no sunscreen and no responsibility what so ever. The best trip I never really packed for.

The first couple of days were great. I slept in the boat under the stars with a life vest for a pillow and a towel as a blanket. It was great! The days were filled with water skiing, beer drinking and cliff jumping. Lots of sights were taken in too.

One particular day, we headed up to Hite marina to get some ice. There were probably 6 or 7 of us in the boat. After we parked the boat and headed to the shop, I got drawn in by some t-shirts. As I was browsing, others went and got the ice and hiked up the hill to the bathroom. After a couple of minutes, I decided I needed to head up to the bathroom as well. As I’m hiking up, others from my group are walking down. I said I’ll be right down. Just need to hit the head real quick. They said ‘OK – Hurry it up!’

After I walked out of the bathroom, I noticed they were all piling into the boat. So, as to not make them have to wait too long for me, I started jogging as best I could, down hill, with my flip-flops on. As I’m half way down, I notice they start to pull away! Assholes. Screwing with me like that. So, I keep the pace knowing the are just screwing with me. I make my way to the store and they are reaching the edge of the wake break. Easily 200+ yards away. I finally make it to the end of the dock as they kick up the speed and pull away.

‘HEY!’ I yell. And keep yelling. Nothing. I’m waving my arms and jumping up and down trying every thing I can to get there attention. Nothing. They forgot me. ME! How could they forget ME!? I’m the life of the party! Don’t these assholes do a head count before taking off? Bastards!

Suddenly, I see a couple of them jerk their heads around and look back. Yes! They remembered me! Finally! The boat slows down and turns around. Good. They are heading back for me.

Then, the boat turns back around AGAIN. They then start going in circles. JERKS! There fucking with me….here we come…no were not….here we come…no were not... Assholes.

As I stand there waiting for them to make up their minds, they go in 3 circles, then, speed off once again. HEY! I yell out like they can hear me. Gone. They left me at the marina. Bastards.

I would later find out that the reason for them doing that was because something flew out of the boat and they went back to get it.

I start to think about how I’m going to make it back to camp and what I’m going to do to these assholes that night while they are sleeping. I look around and there is a boat that had just pulled up. They are now the only boat there. Some guy and his son.

‘Excuse me.’ I say. ‘When you’re done here, could I bother you to take me back to my camp. My asshole friends I’m with thought it would be funny to leave me behind.’

‘How far is it?’

‘Just 2 canyons down. Can’t be more than 20 min. away.’

The guy ‘ho-hums’ a second about it and finally agrees. He finishes getting his ice and what not, then me and his kid load up in the boat and head me back to my camp.

As we pull up, I see a few of them looking at me and realizing it’s me. I hear cheers…’Hey – there he is!’ ‘Yeah! Larry made it back!’ ‘Hooray!’

‘Fuck you assholes!’ I yell as I’m getting out of the boat. I thank the guy and he and his kid boat off.

Apparently they sent a recon car to track me down because after they got back to camp, the people there had asked were I was. The dipshits in the boat thought I had stayed back at camp! They never even knew I was with them. They never thought about it when they left the marina. Bastards.

After that, EVERYONE was always keeping track of me.

That night, Maga had slept on the other seat that laid down in the same boat I was in. In the middle of the night, it started to rain. Maga was sound asleep. I got up and nudged her to wake her so she could get some cover. I climbed in the hull on one side, thinking Maga was coming in. Fell asleep real quick. Next thing I know, I hear my name being called. You know…really softly. Still asleep, so not really clear. Then, I hear people talking…It was morning.
’Have you seen Larry?’,
‘Nope. He was in the boat last night. He’s gone now.’ Maga says.
‘I heard a splash in the water…did he fall in and drown?’
‘Laaarrryyyyy….’

This is when I finally wake up enough to poke my head up threw the door of the hull.

‘I’m in here! Now shut the hell up!’

I lay back down and try to sleep, but all I here are people talking about how they have to keep track of me from now on so I don’t get lost. Thanks guys! Your real friends.

Only a couple more days of that crap, so wasn’t too bad. Just being there the whole week with little to no responsibility whatsoever was nice. Never again will I have a vacation like that one.

Oh – until my business trip to Japan…..