'It's not a party unless ....'

Parties are fun. Especially when the people you are with don't judge you or anyone else that is there. Just a bunch of cool friends hanging out, and having fun. No drama....sigh....good times...

Speaking of good times...Here's one:

Some friends of mine called a party to their house one winter day. It must have been new years or something. I Don't really remember.

I get there, and the party was already happinin. Shots were flying, beers were being downed, board games with alcohol were being played, music going...typical fun party. I had a few jello-shots to chase my beers down and a few shots of this, and a few of that. Then, the party moved downstairs and into the garage.

The house is a split-entry house, so you go down 4 or 5 steps, and your on a landing to the front door, then you go down 4 or 5 more stairs and you are on the bottom floor of the house. Straight across from the stairs is the bathroom. To the right is the TV room, and to the left is the door to the garage.

The garage has a typical 'male' setting. No car, dart board, work bench, yard tools hanging, you know, typical garage. Me, Dalton, (names have been changed to protect the guilty) his date Amber, Jason and his date Heidi are standing around in our own little conversation when Jason leaves to go to the bathroom. Heidi asks if any one needs another beer. 'I do!' I say as I start to down the last half of my someteenth beer. She grabs me a bottle and even twists the top off for me. 'Your awesome! Thanks!' I say. She smiles and says 'Your pretty alright your self...and your welcome!' and with that, I focus back on the conversation that was going on, when not 2 seconds later, the rest of my night began to come to an end...

As I stand there, holding my beer, I see Heidi, out of the corner of my eye, lift her beer as if she is going to drink it. Now, I don't know why, maybe the beer gods were watching, but I suddenly gripped my beer tighter, as if it was going to drop out of my hand, but I am now thankful I did! Next thing I knew, Heidi had 'tapped' my bottle and it started to foam over. (if your not familiar with 'tapping', this is when one idiot hits the top of a bottle with the bottom of their bottle. This causes the beer to foam up and shoot up and out of the bottle. It literally shoots up. 6-8 inches. So it can cause a mess if your not on top of it and start chugging it to prevent the mess it will make.)

My quick thinking saved the garage floor. I wrapped my lips around the top of my bottle and started chugging. Chugging foam that is. When you chug foam, it normally tends to fill every crevis in your stomach, throat, nose, ears, then your eyes and lastly, your mouth. This is exactly what happened. As it had gone through all the above, then into my mouth, I thought I had it all under control. I looked at my bottle and seen it was still foaming. I went to drink more of it, but as I tried to open my mouth, Daltons eyes were getting bigger and he started to move back away from me as he seen bubbles coming out of my nose. Heidi was crying she was laughing so hard, and the foam in my stomach wanted out. Bad. So, it started coming out. I knew there was no turning back. My cheeks instantly filled up and I covered my mouth to prevent anyone in the room from being decorated with what I was about to release. I ran into the house and busted open the bathroom door.

Now, remember a minute ago, before I got this new beer, Jason had left to go to the bathroom. Well, I remembered this as soon as I busted open the door and seen him standing there with his hand just zipping up his pants. All I remember of this is the size of his eyes as I busted in the room and him backing up against the wall like I was a freight train he was avoiding.

I didn't make it to the porcelain god in time for the first wave. In fact, when I flung the door open, it was pretty much on its way out then. It flew out of my mouth, past Jasons face, across the bathroom and on the back wall of the shower and into the tub. By that time, I had my body wrapped around the toilet hanging on like it was an old girlfriend I didn't want to let go. You know how the rest of that goes.

I don't recall much of the rest of that night. I do recall some kind of wrestling match out in the snow in the front yard, but everything else is pretty much gone. This was the first of what was to be several incidents at parties where my insides decided they wanted to join in on the fun too. Thus, the phrase 'It's not a party unless Larmas pukes!' was coined.

So - with that said, I would like to thank those that cleaned up after me when I obviously couldn't. And I apologize for all of that.

Party on!